?????????

some how I have lost track of what day I am on in Dr. Beck's book! Actaully I am following my own advice to Laura and taking a few days to review everything so far and re-evaluate my behavious to see if I am missing something. I know I am not at the diet of planning stages yet but I really feel that this is the right time to implement the planning part of the process. I am finally sufficently fed up with myself I feel that now is the right time to get my head "inthe game" and take control of what's going in my mouth as well as how it is going in there!

Since I started Dr. Beck's book I have been concious about how I eat - the manner in which I eat - but not at all with WHAT I've been eating - I have been letting myself eat the 4 cookies as long as I was sitting down and eating them slowly! ITs time to start planning things out - even if I am not yet following a strict "diet" its time to eat healthier.

That said - is it possible to change my plan from Day 2? I was to pick 2 diet plans and I did - but I am wondering if they are the right choice. I am thinking adapting the Best Life Diet and incorporating a food exchange program with it...

Sometimes you have to take a small step backwards to move forward!

Day 8 and The Weekend...

Day Eight is Choose an exercise plan - I have already started my exercise program so it might be time to "step it up" a little. Right now I walk my dogs for 30 minutes every morning and for 15 minutes every evening (on weekdays) and I usually squeeze a walk in at some point on the weekends as well. I think I will now (starting tomorrow since it is now 4 pm and I haven't today) set my calendar reminder to walk for 15 minutes 2 times a day (my coffee breaks) throughout the day as well. I work in a beautiful location surrounded by tall pine trees and a lovely fresh water creek. It is a beautiful place to walk with groomed trainls and everything - which makes me wonder why I don't take advantage of that?

Ok... now the weekend - the truth hurts. I have been working away on the beck diet solution all week and I blow it on the weekend. I was so good all week about sitting while I eat, eating mindfully, cleanong up my environment and giving myself credit - thenthe weekend comes and I feel like I undo all the good I have done. Saturday morning I ate my breakfast standing up and I ate it fast! I was having a garage sale and my husand brought me home a fast food breakfast sandwhich (greasy and yummy) but we had no chairs set up in the driveway and my husband didn't want to interact with the "buyers" so I wolfed my sandwhich standing up. :( then I went to a baby shower that afternoon. So - I went to the party - thinking I would hold my firneds new baby the entire time (not who the shower was for) and that way I would be too busy to eat - this worked for the first hour and a half. But then mom wanted to feed the baby. there were not enough chairs so I ended up eating standing up. I do think I ate less then I normally do at those things but I did eat more then I planned to and I ate it all standing up! GRRRR! Ok that was just Saturday. Friday night we went to a fast food place for dinner - I did eat a hamburger but I ordered a salad with it instead of fries/onion rings)I did eat a couple (2) of my husband's rings but hten I was too full for the salad so I took it home. Sunday - I just grazed all day - sitting, standing - no idea what my problem was! I think I need to focus more on a food program now - My sabotaging thoughts seem to be saying - "You're not dieting yet so eat everything you want - just make sure you are siting and eat slower."

Now that I am also suppose to be making time and energy - I am going to use 1/2 of my lunch hour to plan my meals and gorcery lists. That way I will be more focussed on the choices I am making before I sit and eat it mindfully! I know that is a later step - but I think it suits me to start this sooner then later.

Day 7 - Clean Up Your Environment

OK. In the spirit of Clean up the Environment (Day 7) I have changed the environment of my blog - more youthful I think - more electric!

OK - My Weight Loss while trying to conceive forum has really taken off - the replies were over whelming! So many people tanked me for starting the thread and are going through similar situations to myself.

That said, I decided to read some posts today while eating lunch. Well I was about 95% of the way finished my lunch when I realised I had eaten almost all of it without even noticing! ARG! So... no more eating in front of the computer for me. If I have to eat at my desk I will turn the screen off and concentrate on eating my lunch or answering the phone (works out well since answering the phone is not conducive to chewing at the same time!) Once I realised I had eaten so much without noticing I sat back and tried to really enjoy the last couple of bites - making them last longer then the rest of the lunch!

I am committing to making response cards tonight for sitting while eating and eating mindfully.

Day 7: Clean Up Your Environment

This shouldn't be too painful for me. My Hubby is pretty conscious about a lot of what he eats - although he likes the odd fast food meal and lots of chocolate - we don't generally keep "bad" things in the house. What I do have make more of an effort at is keeping more fresh fruit in the house. Not too tough. Also, every morning I will make sure the kitchen table is free of clutter that way it will be more enjoyable to sit down at the table to enjoy a meal.

As for my work environment... that's a little tougher. I don't work in a place I can ask that things are kept in a cupboard ... Usually what happens is people bring things to you and are "food pushers" - so, I have brought a Tupperware container to work. I take the item -rather then having to go through the "no thank you." "Oh have one" "No really, it looks great, but no thanks" " Oh come on their so good, I made them myself, I didn't poison them..." blah blah I will say" Oh thanks!" and put it in my Tupperware. Then, I can either some of it eat it later, take it home to my hubby for a treat, or toss it. today at lunch I purchased 4 packages of sugar-free gum. If I am tempted to eat a pastry I will pop a piece in my mouth - that should take a way or at least delay the see it, smell, it, eat it cycle.

Day 6 - Find a Diet Coach

well well - here I am at Day 6. So I contemplated if I would actaully find a diet coach or not and I believe I have decided I will. REgardless of the fact that I am trying to conceive, I should lose a few pounds (well quite a few) and who knows how long it will take to actually get that
+'ve pregnancy test.

So, I didn't think my husband would be the best choice although he is supportive I also tend to get mad at him for being right all the time! Grrr! I didn't have a friend I could ask because most of my friends are exercise fiends (marathon runners and triathletes) and I know they cannot relate at all to my dieting woes. So ... I am going to rely on my hubby for some support and I will discuss this with him tonight. I can't blame him for being frustrated with me as I have made a number of commitments to do this or do that over the last couple of years and I have had trouble following through - just like many of the examples in BDS. So, anyway, I belong to an onling forum for women in their 30's trying to conceive a baby after previous miscarriages. Turns out there are quite a few also trying to lose weight as well, So I began an online forum for a group of us to share our diet trials and tributes along with our trying to conceive catastrophes and celebrations.

Additionally Laura who has been posting comments on my blog and I have decided to be cyber-coaches since we are both using the book and in need of a coach. Laura - I am looking forward to being BDS-buddies with you!

As for Days 1 - 5 ... I am making a continuous effort to slow down my eating. For example, I had lunch today with a friend who I always thought was a painfully slow eater. Well, I finished just one bite ahead of her today! I would normally be long finished before she was even half way!!! I have been eating everything sitting down - and even though I have not switched the dogs off peanut butter yet (those pet food recalls have me a bit nervous) I am doing well at not having my own "scoop" of peanut butter first. This morning I did get a little on my knuckle - I must admit I licked it off.. but otherwise !!! Reading my response cards through the week while I am at work is easy as I have a reminder pop up on my screen - the weekends are tougher - I seem to forget. I am going to add visualisation to my routines each evening before I fall asleep. I think that might help re-inforce Day 1 - the Advantages of Losing Weight.

Ok - Day 7 tomorrow - can't wait!

OH MY GOSH! I'M SO EXCITED!

DR. BECK VISITED MY BLOG!

And she liked my little smiley guys - so this one is for her ...

Thank you Dr. Beck for visiting my blog and leaving your encouraging comments. I hope you will check in from time to time. And thank you for writing your book, The Beck Diet Solution. I actually sent an e-mail to you - to which you replied but again I cannot stress enough how your book is the answer I have been searching for for several years. I truly believe this is the answer to my weight problem and the lose, gain, lose, gain merry-go-round I have been on for the past 16 years. I realise I am only on day 5 but every single word makes perfect sense. Its all information I knew somewhere deep down but no one has ever made it so chrystal clear before.

Day 4 - Give Yourself Credit and Day 5 - Eat Slowly and Mindfully

I sort of skimmed over day 4 yesterday as this is a step I have been working on for quite sometime. I have come to realise that at one time I was a better friend to strangers then I was to myself. Now I make a habit of giving myself the credit I deserve rather then belittling myself for relatively small slip ups and mistakes.

So - to give myself credit - I have done very well with eating while seated today. I did take a bite out of a cheesey while stnading earlier but - only one nibble of one cheesey - I have only had 3 cheesey (instead of not knowing how many I had) and I ate my breakfast and my lunch seated and much slower then I normally do. That said, I noticed especially at lunch that I was feeling quite comfortable after I ate and did not have the craving I normally have for something sweet afterwards. This is truly going to be a major key in my weight loss efforts. Eat slowly and mindfully while sitting down.

I have to admit that I also read ahead to Day 6 last night... this could be interesting - Find a diet coach. Not sure what I will do there... I am off to do some research on this online.. As I don't have a friend who I think would be suitable... and I have started and stopped so many diets since I met my husband he just says "sure you will" whenever I say I'm trying something new.
Tomorrow is really day 6 so I will go into more detail tomorrow - but part of me is wondering if I need a diet coach now since I am more trying to change my habits so I don't gain too much weight while I am pregnant (although I am not pregnant yet my hope is I will be in the next month or two). On the other hand if I can ose some weight in the next mont or two pregnancy will be that much better. ... more on this tomorrow.

Day 3, again and again

Well, I have learned something new about myself and have been surprised by it. I am having a lot of difficulty with Day 3, - only eat while sitting. I am struggling with this so much that I have held myself at day 3 for almost 5 days !

The good news is I am really noticing how many bites I take while standing. It is apparent I would have no choice but to lose weight if I ate only when sitting - Problem is - I have the damn thing in my mouth before I realise it - but now I am realising it (albeit AFTER the fact) but that's a first step.

I must make some ressponse cards for this and put them all over my fridge and cupboard.

Let's see - things I have trouble with (eating and standing): Peanut butter. I love a spoonful of peanut butter! I put some in the dogs chew toys every morning before I leave for work (keeps them busy all day) But I have trouble putting that jar away before I've had my own spoonful (or two). Cookies, leftovers after dinner. And, testing while cooking. I have taken cooking classes and they tell you you ALWAYS MUST taste as you cook to know if you need more of this or that... I guess if I can limited to just when I am preparing a special meal (for a dinner party or something) then that wouldn't be too bad.

I have to remember that when I stand up and eat I don't notice how much is really going in there - it doesn't seem like much - but its been enough to get me to 200 + lbs! So - I am going to buy a SMALL jar of peanut butter (rather then the BIG one) and I am going to buy canned dog food to put in their toys - I surely won't be tempted to have a spoonful then! and I am going to put a BIG sign on my cookies - G O S I T D O W N !

To give myself credit (which brings us nicely to DAY 4 - giving yourself credit) I have become more aware of what I have been doing subconciously and out of habit and when I did realise I was eating standing up I would immediatly go sit down with it - it's a start. I have decided to continue moving forward with other steps as I continue to work on mastering step 3.

Tomorrow I will post about step Five! I'm off to read my response cards!

Day 2 - Choose Two Plans

Ok - today I am to pick a food (diet) plan as well as a back up plan - in case plan A is not working for me. It also says to modify the plan in advance to allow for the odd indulgence.

Here is my plan A: Best Life diet - I found this on Oprah's web site and sounds like it will suit me for the long term and it will be doable (healthy enough) even when pregnant.

• eliminate alcohol
• have a glass of water with every meal
• stop eating 2 hours before bed
• eat 3 meals and 1 snack (aim for 150 - 200 cal. snacks)
• allow only one or 2 soft drinks per week (I modified this from the original)
• elimnate all foods containing transfat (read labels)
• eliminate all fried foods
• eat whole grains only -no regular pasta or white bread
• eliminate high fat dairy - use only fat free or low fat choices (yogurt, milk, cheese etc)
• try to eat more vegetables then any other food group
• go easy on potatoes, corn and peas (too starchy)
• eat 2 servings of beans per week
• eat at least 2 servings of fruit per day
• severely limit all desserts/snacks with more than 8 g of sugar. aim for no more than 1 per week.. (my own modification)
• gradually increase exercise to 150 minutes 4 times per week and 2 sessions of strength training of at least 6 to 10 exercises
• only eat when you are feeling: weak and lightheaded (stomach acids turning), very uncomfortable (irritable and unable to concentrait), uncontrollably hungry (rumbling stomach)
• Stop eating wen you are more or less satisfied, when you feel like you could eat just a little bit more.
• Weigh yourself once per week.

To Maintain: add in 150 cal of the eliminated foods only IF you continue to exercise and add 1 strength training session.

PLAN B - Weight Watchers

The book advises that you do not begin this diet until Day 15. However, I plan to start some aspects of it - I am going to start drinking more water and eating more fruit in the meantime.

Last night I automatically stopped eating my dinner at a restaurant when I noticed I was getting full. I am not sure I ever did that before, automatically. I was able to bring some home! YAY me!

Beck Diet Solution- Day 1

I believe that the universe has delivered to me a wonderful learning oppotunity by way of a book I came across yesterday. On a whim, last night I suggested to Karl that we go to Chapter's. Normally I have to talk him into a trip to the bookstore but he was easily persuaded and said "sure." Right away. Even at the moment I was pleasently surprised. I had wanted to look for a diet book called "The Portion Teller Plan" which shows what a healthy portion of a variety of foods look like. I almost ordered it online yesterday but something stopped me. At Chapters I first went to look for books about the Law of Attraction and ended up choosing Dr. Wayne Dyers book "The Power of Intention" although the book I was looking for was "Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires" by Esther & Jerry Hicks. I then made my way to the Diet books and found the portion control book. As I looked through It I found it interesting, but from my experiences of having bought many diet books in the past, it would just end up on my bookshelf like all the others - increasing my guilt. I was drawn to the bright pink hardcover The Beck Diet Solution Book. There was nothing really interesting about the cover or anything indicating what the book was about - by all appearances it was just another diet book. As soon as I read the inside cover I was certain that I had manifested this book and made the decision to purchase it on the spot.

Last night when we got home, I read the first 4 chapters. As I read I kept thinking "This book is ABOUT ME! This author knows exactly whats going on in my head! I am not crazy - I am normal and there is HOPE! There is no doubt I manifested this into my life! One of the examples, even used my name! It really felt like this book was written personally for me.

And so now, I commit myself to the Beck Diet Solution. Today being:

Day ONE
Today I am to make a list of all of the reasons/advantages/benefits of losing weight. Order them by importantce to me and copy them on an index card which I will read a minimum of twice a day.

• I will have a healthy pregnancy
• My pants won't wear out between the legs before the rest wear out
• a regular towel will go all the way around me and maybe even look cute
• I will feel more comfortable being naked in the sauna
• Karl will be proud of me
• I will be proud of me
• My children will never know me as fat
• I will look sexy not frumpy
• Bending over will be easier
• Walking and climbing stairs will not leave me huffing and puffing
• Friends won't make comments about my large sized chest
• I will be able to get a fabulous haircut instead of worrying if my face will look too fat
• I will be able to cross my legs again
• I won't dread getting dressed up for an evening out
• I will be able to look in a full length mirror with pride
• I will not be ashamed to say my weight out loud
• My feet won't hurt
• Shopping for clothes will be more fun and have more variety
• I want to wear underwear that's cute - not industrial
• I won't be embarrassed to have my picture taken
• I'll fit better into movie theatre seats
• I will have more energy to be a good mom and wife

I will read my index cards daily at 11:30 and 3:00 pm as these are the times I tend towards craving sugar. I will set my email reminders to remind me to do this.

Looking forward to day two tomorrow!

Scale of 1 to 10

" ...when you’re stuck at a 7, you’re using the wrong type of rating criteria anyway. You’re rating your current status, your location on the path. What you should be rating is the path itself."

What is your path right now? How clear is it? Where will it take you in 5-10 years? How would you rate the path itself if you were to view it outside of time?"

For example, in observing your health status, rate the path you’re on. Is your health declining or improving? Are your diet and exercise habits making you stronger and fitter and more resistant to disease, or are you becoming weaker and sicker? What path are you on?
When you think about what path you’re on, rather than just your current position, you’ll become much more aware of where you really are on a scale of 1-10. Life is a journey, not a destination. When you get stuck at a 7, your path is the problem — it’s your path that’s really a 3 because it isn’t moving you forward. You’ve stagnated."

From http://www.stevepavlina.com/

As usual Steve's articles really get me thinking and evaluating where I am in life. If you compare where my physical helth/appearance is, compared to wher eI want it to be (see What Life Looks Like) I am only at a 1 at best. When I summon the courage and look at where I am now, using Steve's questions:

"What is your path right now? How clear is it? Where will it take you in 5-10 years? How would you rate the path itself if you were to view it outside of time?"

My answer looks like this:

My path right now is all wrong. I am as far from where my intentions lie as I could be. It is very clear. I am over weight I get out of breath walking short distances. In 5 to 10 years I will be in the negative values on the scale. My health could begin to deteriorate rapidly. I am only a one now because I have began to exercise for 20 minutes. I have only done this for 2 days but I am committed to making it a habit. I have much more work to do to change this path. I need to make drastic changes in my lifestyle to hit a 10! I need to gather information, I need to push myself forward instead of continuing to fall further backwards (while I wonder why the light at the end of the tunnel is getting farther away!). I need to plan out meals and out grocery shopping diligently, I need to add more activity into every aspect of my day. I nee to make better food choices and make sure there are lots of healthy choices in my home. I need to live more consciencly. At this point I am getting farther away from 10 each day. It's time to turn things around.

Courage.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.- Ambrose Redmoon

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.- Anais Nin

Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.- Amelia Earhart

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.- Eleanor Roosevelt

I've been reading about courage lately. How it relates to the Law of Attraction and how it can improve my life. I have a new perspective of courage now. It's not just for firefighters and soldiers and people with deadly diseases. Courage, or the lack of it deeply effects day to day life. It dulls our conciousness, it festers and it prevents us from living our true life, being our true self. I believe that this informtion is what I need to make some serious changes in my life. And as the law of attraction says - the univerise is currently providing me with all sorts of new ideas and information about courage - even the newest Oprah magazine, that I bought on a whim has a thought provoking, inspiring section about courage!

Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.- Orison Swett Marden

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.- John Quincy Adams

There is an exercise in Oprah's magazine that says to summon your courage and confront that inner voice of fear. Write down the things you know are absolutely true in your life. Once you have done that, write down what life would look like if you lived as though those things were 100% true.

I plan to work on this exercise this weekend. I wonder where it will lead...

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.- Dale Carnegie